In today's nation, it is common for wives to have the responsibility of looking after the house, cleaning up, looking after the kids, making food, etc, while the husband works. What all brothers need to keep in mind is this is not the Islamic way to treat your wives, this is the cultural way that is passed down from most Asian families, and this is not right. The Prophet (pbuh) never gave the whole responsibility of the house to his wives, rather the Prophet (pbuh) himself helped his wives with the household duties unlike today's nation. I have a Hadith which I will share with you that proves my point (this is in my own words as it is easier to understand but it is still on the same lines as the actual one): Aisha – May Allah be pleased with her – was asked about the manners of the Prophet in his home, to this she said he helped her in doing the family duties and when he heard the call of prayer, he went out. (Al-Bukhari). This shows that some brothers of this nation are not following the Sunnah as they are not helping their wives in their household duties. If you think about it, don't your wives get tired? Don't they feel exhausted after doing the same work every single day? Can't they get ill by doing so much work? These questions should arise in every brother's mind and every brother should say to himself: "I should help my wife in her household duties rather than letting her do everything by herself, this is not the Sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh)". As I stated at the beginning, the Prophet (pbuh) said: "Your wives are your partners, not your slaves." This shows that it is a big sin to leave all the household duties for your wives to do. You should also help them and I guarantee you, you will definitely make your wife feel loved and happy. You will also take a lot of burdens off her shoulders as she will know she doesn't have much work to do as her husband will help her.
One point that I have noticed a lot is when women get married, they change their surname to their husband's surname. I am not saying this is always the husband's fault, sometimes the wife chooses to change it herself but most times it is the husband or his family that tell her to change her name. This is forbidden in Islam and I am going to give some reasons why. One reason is because the Prophet (pbuh) said: "Whoever calls himself by other than his father’s name, will be cursed by Allah, the angels and all the people." (Ibn Maajah -Saheeh by al-Albaani).This means it is forbidden as the woman is getting rid of her identity and saying she is the biological daughter of her father - in - law as her husband usually has his father's name/surname. Another reason is because it is a christian tradition that goes back hundreds of years to when a woman got married and changed her last name to her husband's to show she was now his property. Islam forbids this and says that everyone is their own person and does not belong to anyone.
Another point I have noticed is domestic violence. Abusing your wives is a big sin in Islam and it is forbidden to abuse your wives verbally, mentally or physically. If your wife is not listening to you or obeying you, then explain to her nicely. If she still does not listen, explain to her that the shaytaan is making her do this and she is giving in. If she still does not listen, then leave her for some time and pray to Allah to forgive her and guide her and insha'Allah after some time, she should come to you and apologize.
I want to finish off by saying, please brothers, treat your wives gently and make them feel loved. Don't force them or tell them to change their names. Never abuse them. Help them in their household duties and follow the way the Prophet (pbuh) treated his wives. Help them and remind them to help you to get a place in Jannah insha'Allah. Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said: "The best of you are those who are the best to their wives" (Al-Tirmidhi). Remember how much they sacrificed for you, they left their home and family to come and stay with you. They don't have there parents/siblings with them, so always be there for them. They will tell you everything that is in their heart and you will need to listen to them and comfort them. You will need to be there for them every time and never make them feel like you don't care. To your wife, you are her husband but you are also her everything (after Allah and Muhammad saw)..isn't that enough for you??
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